I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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