Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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