I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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