Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
