6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
