hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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