Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
