Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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