spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
