he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
