I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
