I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
