omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Randomize
