ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
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