dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Randomize
