its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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