do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
