she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
