I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
