Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I am mentally ready for anal.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
