I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
