OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
