I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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