Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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