all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
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