One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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