worst night to have a conscience
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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