I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
