Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
