I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
