dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
