So drunk its hurt
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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