I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
