my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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