She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just found puke in my bra..
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Couch. On fire.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
