I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Randomize
