I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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