I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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