I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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