He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
