He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Randomize
