worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
