he wants to bone in the snuggie
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you win again, gameday.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Randomize
