be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
