just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
