if i can run in heels then i can drive
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
