I didn't shave. On purpose
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
