the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
