I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
