I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
