Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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