Sry I called you an 8
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
