I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Mom said you looked used
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
